Morning pages (a poem)

I have been doing The Artist’s Way for the last couple of years (this is my third time around). One of the practices is the morning pages, in which you just write three pages of whatever comes out. As I have become more diligent about pursuing creative activities, I have slacked off on the morning pages—so, this morning, I decided to combine the morning pages with my usual poetry writing. This poem is the result…

It’s morning
and I slept too much
last night
I took a nap
a little before 4:30
woke up
too late
to go
where I’d planned
to go

So I watched
a little TV
and went
back to sleep
woke up
and repeat
and repeat
and repeat

I suppose
the day
wiped me out
and it wasn’t even
about me
it tapped into
I was feeling
I’ve been feeling
and some things
I’ve been missing

Like the chance
to break down
and be held
and be wanted
and be loved
and be reassured
that nothing bad
will happen to me
if I can only trust
if I can just believe
if I can let things go
if I can let things in
if I can let things be

It’s too easy
to walk away
It’s not easy
to walk away
But what happens
if I stay?

it’s morning
the sun is out
is quiet—
too quiet

I know
I can hear myself think
I don’t want
to hear myself think
stops me
from doing
(doing nothing
doesn’t count)

I’ve got
work to do
and I’ll get to it
but what I want
is to go
find some answers
to all these questions
I can’t stop asking
find a way
to reveal
all these secrets
I keep keeping
They won’t hurt
anyone but me

Last night
I dreamed
of a beam of light
leading to
a bright blue
new world
where everything
was beautiful
and the future
was pain-free

No more
fleeing demons
no more
fleeing desires
no more
empty feelings
and home
is warm
and safe…

…wherever it is…

(1 March 2015)