Getting some stuff out before bedtime…

I feel it more some days than others
When it’s too much, I tunnel deeper
to pretend I can hide from it here

A longing for nostalgia of what never was
tugs at me when I’m feeling low
but nostalgia only drowns, not buoys, me

What good is nostalgia anyway
when you’re looking back on your own?
I don’t need reminders of what I don’t have

I have no secrets worth sharing
I’ve been gone for so long, after all
The only one I’m torturing is myself

You can’t pretend to have a history
when the memories don’t line up
and it does no good to extrapolate

I feel it more some days than others
Feelings are feelings—there’s no real escape
it does no good to hide

So I let the dramatic music play, then fade
as I close my eyes and wait for sleep
to replace my misplaced longing for nostalgia

(11 July 2015)