National Poetry Writing Month 2021, Day 9: Remote control to-do list

My Day 9 poem is my response to the NaPoWriMo.net prompt, which is to write an unusual person or character’s to-do list.

1
Slip down between the cushions
so that Kevin has to remove
every blanket, pillow, and cushion
to find me.

2
For one microsecond, enlarge
the voice command button
so it fills my entire surface,
and will beep regardless
of which button he presses.

3
Shift one of the numeric buttons
closer to the edge
so picking me up
will make him accidentally start
to select a channel he has no interest in.

4
Fail to communicate regularly
with the set-top box,
so it will ask him “are you still there?”
in the middle of a show
he is actively watching.

5
When it gets dark:

(a)
switch places with one of the other remotes
so he will always grab the wrong one;

(b)
secretly rearrange the buttons on my surface
so he will never get what he wants
on the first try;

(c)
slip down between the cushions
so he will have to get up, turn on the lights,
and remove every blanket, pillow, and cushion
to find me.

6
During the night,
burrow under his pillow,
or between the cushions,
so that in the morning he will have to
get up and remove every blanket, pillow, and cushion
to find me.

7
In the morning,
when he goes to the kitchen
to get his first cup of coffee,
hide so that he has to look for me
on every flat surface between here and the kitchen
when he comes back.
While he’s not looking,
sneak back to where he thought he left me
in the first place.

8
At random intervals,
give him a break:
let him adjust the volume,
set the DVR,
or change the channel to something
he actually wants to watch.

9
If I haven’t done it for a while,
slip down between the cushions
so he will have to get up
and remove every blanket, pillow, and cushion
to find me.

(8 April 2021 – posted April 9th)