Thoughts I don’t know how to express (a poem)

Last night I was watching a video
of a recent favorite song

The group’s first record came out in 1985
the year I first travelled to Japan

The name, always rendered in lower case
has always intrigued me

The music sounds nothing like the name
yet the name fits

Though the clip is from ten years ago
the singer must be about the same age as me

I don’t know how I will make it through the rest of my life
if I can’t see you again

There may not be another choice—
or that is my fear

My choices over the last ten, twenty, thirty years and change
suggest that I think I don’t need you

Objectively speaking, my day-to-day survival
suggests that is the truth

I’ve been married and divorced
gone through grieving and something like redemption
given a second chance from beyond…

And though I’ve given up on certain things ever happening
I can’t ignore the one that will
and I think I need to find a way

I don’t know how I will make it through the rest of my life
without seeing you again

(18 February 2021)

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