The blurred effect (a poem)

Feeling more pessimistic than usual today…

The blurred effect could be a plus
the whole unsteady-on-my-feet part notwithstanding
I suppose I would also sacrifice growth
for a bit of happiness
or not having to worry
about anything

Yeah, we go from nothing to nothing
but the middle part is now—
nothing is not what I want to be thinking about
or planning for
based on foolish notions
of reward or punishment

Meanwhile I curse the blurred effect
and the fitful sleep
and the caffeine addiction
and the other needs I have
that go unfulfilled, unmet
unsatisfied

I would totally storm back into the hospital
and demand my money back
or an exchange for a less-damaged model
but the place I was born no longer exists
Even if it did
I’m sure I’m out of warranty by now

On the other hand
the blurred effect means the lines
aren’t so sharp anymore
so it matters less
when I draw outside them
or when colors overlap

It’s not much better
trying to find my way in the dark
you can’t map unlit shadows
or ghosts waiting to pounce
Sleep is a hard place to find
when there are no dreams in the windows

(31 March 2018)