27 Reasons I Still Have Anxiety (a poem)

This was a tough one. The July 19th prompt in The Daily Poet: Day-By-Day Prompts For Your Writing Practice, by Kelli Russell Agodon & Martha Silano, is to “write your own list poem using ‘because’ as your refrain word.” (Their main reference was Juan Felipe Herrera’s ‘187 Reasons Mexicanos Can’t Cross The Border’ poem.) The tough part wasn’t getting something down on paper, but the subject I chose to examine. I’m almost hesitant to post it, except that I remember the words of Henry Rollins and others, who note that it is those things that are the most revealing, that give artists the most pause, that they are most worried about putting out into the world, that tend to have the greatest value. So, instead of worrying about what it reveals (or doesn’t reveal) about me, I am trusting that this poem (as such) will have some meaning for a few people.

Because I can’t forget
Because it’s still fresh
Because I’m always expecting it
Because I always imagine the worst possible outcome
Because nothing I do seems to help
Because habits are hard to change
Because I feel stuck
Because I’m not happy
Because I don’t like myself
Because I don’t think I’m good enough
Because I feel as though I don’t belong here
Because I don’t feel brave
Because I don’t want to be alone
Because I miss her touch
Because I haven’t cried over you
Because love is missing
Because I don’t see any signs
Because the feeling’s never mutual
Because it always feels too late
Because I may have missed my chance
Because I don’t trust you to love me
Because you don’t see me
Because I’m afraid to show you who I am
Because there’s no explanation
Because I don’t know what to do
Because I don’t remember how to live without it
Because I can’t seem to let go

(19 July 2014)

1 Comment

  1. Because I don’t remember how to love without it….. Yes. Yes I know that one.

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