This may not be any better, but it’s more honest. Either way, here it is…

On those lowest of low days
when I couldn’t see a way out
I’d take pictures of the wine I was drinking

For as long as it would last
I’d photograph light filtered through the glass
an idea of genius, I was thinking

I got some interesting abstracts
some condensation on the glass
and memories I have trouble remembering

I don’t do that any more
as an exercise, it’s kind of a bore
nothing to do with where I am now

As much as I love abstractions
they don’t give me that much satisfaction
despite the flexibility they allow

Whatever it is I’m looking for
maybe I’ll find it in time

If I don’t, I suppose I don’t
some people don’t find what they’re looking for
whether it’s success, family, happiness
or answers to any of the questions we all have

What kind of life is that?

How can we be capable of conscious thought
but unable to learn what we most want to know?

I know, I’ll have to accept that’s what it is
if that’s what it is

but that doesn’t mean I have to like it

(31 July 2017)