Some things we remember, whether we want to or not…

I hate that I remember your birthday
(and your Social Security number
which I don’t need to know)
Why is it I remember these things
when I have nothing more to do with you?

I hate that I was so quick to give myself away
too eager to get myself encumbered
to follow you wherever you wanted to go
I thought it was so easy, but I didn’t know anything
only the blame for all the things you couldn’t make me do

These days I can’t answer anything you say
it hurts too much to remember
the flaws I never thought we’d show
I thought we’d be protected by our rings
I was wrong, but there was nothing I could do

It was all decided that day
a cool afternoon in September
I was struck dumb by the shock, laid low
Turns out neither of us knew anything—
except I knew that day we were through

That was the day I became tethered to the clay
it grew heavier and heavier, pulling me under
much farther than I was willing to go
I held my breath until I felt the sting
When I looked around to place the sound, it was no longer you

Were all those years my price to pay
for lessons I should have remembered?
It was too late to absorb the blow
I was stuck in the ring
throwing my share of punches somehow

Well…here I am today
miles removed from that day in September
when it was suddenly time to go
time to leave behind the rings
trade the familiar for the now

I’m not exactly bitter, but hey—
sometimes I remember
things I wish I didn’t know
surprised I remember anything
surprised I remember how

If there were any other way
to forge the mettle from which I’m tempered
that’s the way I’d go
not worrying about what I need to bring
It’s time to leave all that behind me now

(26 June 2016—posted June 27th)