December 13th (a poem)

Watching a favorite Xmas movie…

Now that the wine has flattened out the evening
come remember me in a better moment
than the ones surely to follow
in which I disintegrate
without a second thought
leaving before anyone notices

The Xmas tree sitting atop the dumpster contents
will bear no marks identifying it
as having come from my place
because I did not get a tree again this year
the ornaments are in storage, or probably landfill
along with the rest of those years

Watching someone else be lonely
for two hours before finding redemption
doesn’t make me feel better
it’s the habit of bringing myself so close to tears
that I somehow find comforting
and almost what I need

After all the cameos I’ve made in her life
she doesn’t know I love her

She’s probably better off

(13 December 2018)

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