Conflicting emotions (a poem)

When nothing is as clear as I’d like it to be…

Is it wrong to want the hard part
to be over?

The selfish and the thoughtful
battle it out
in the various levels of my consciousness—
conscious, sub-, and parts to be named later

The selfish feels guilty for being itself
and not wanting to feel
what it doesn’t want to feel

or just not wanting to feel

The thoughtful feels guilty
because what if it’s giving up too soon?
If there’s even a small chance
would it be better to keep trying?

Hope interrupts, feeling similarly conflicted
As the only measure of optimism present
it’s not feeling so self-reliant
wondering if it, too, is giving up too soon

Losing oneself is a horrible feeling

Pessimism resists chiming in
but wants to apologize
for its poor outlook

It has been wondering the same things
as the rest of the group

At what point do you draw the line?

(22 November 2018)


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