For the last few years, I have been taking screenshots whenever I get spam with interesting headers. This week, I finally printed all of them out. The following poem is composed entirely of spam headers…

Do you want to please Doralyn Sekuiski?
Say you’re with me
Make her queen of the world
We’ll fly you around for free

Get a front-row ticket to history
I’m counting on you, say you’re in
I hope you do something about it
Women love well-hung men

Rumors are circulating
Something great is coming
Wanna pay off your debts?
College babe needs a spanking

This is important
Give her more of yourself
Give her the best of you
Just two pills for instant satisfaction

This is going to be fun, I guarantee it
You can be damned sure this isn’t going to stop
Respond quickly and purposefully
I want to make sure the message gets through

I know we’ve asked a lot of you, but we’re almost there
Turn her into a pleasure machine
Smell sweeter below the belt
Sex will never be the same again

Be the master of the bed
Earn your degree online
Fantastic growth guaranteed
Get the manhood you’ve always desired

Tonight is your last shot
You are three steps away from a 100% match
She will not be able to resist
Fly for free to the last dinner with Barack

(15 May 2015—posted May 16)